Peace Corps Chronicles - Part Two

“When an ideal confronts reality, it often vanishes as swiftly as a mouse sighting a cat. While I resonate deeply with the genuine mission of the Peace Corps, it does not mean we share an equal fervor for it, nor can we act jointly towards achieving this common goal.”

Part 2 of My Unfulfilled Peace Corps Journey:

From Optimism to Disillusionment

“Wow! Mongolia! It’s so awesome!” Everyone who heard about my decision to serve with the Peace Corps in Mongolia expressed such positive and inspirational words. They said things like, “You are the right person for it,” and “I want to hear your stories!” One wrote to me: “Congratulations on Mongolia! I'm instantly and profoundly jealous of the adventure and greatly admire your courage in pursuing it. Tell me more!”

The intensity of these comments took me aback and prompted me to reflect on my determination to pursue this opportunity. I had often questioned whether I was truly suited for it, yet many people responded with their confidence in me. How can others know me better than I know myself?

I was initially unsure about what it would be like to live and work alone in Mongolia for 27 months. However, my concerns were outweighed by the positive reactions I received from others regarding my decision. I also felt honored to be recognized as an English educator, despite not being a native English speaker and having never received formal education in English literature. Still, I believe that if I can articulate my insights and express them in meaningful words, then anyone can do the same. This belief inspires me to share my experience of self-directed learning, as opposed to traditional classroom learning, with those who can benefit from it.

If you’ve read "Part 1 of My Peace Corps Journey—Unfulfilled: Background",you’ll understand my motivation: to share the process of pursuing my goal of joining the Peace Corps, including the most unexpected setbacks. Unfortunately, despite my fervency and qualifications for the cause, I will not be joining the posting in Mongolia. However, if sharing my failures can benefit others—and perhaps, just perhaps, awaken bureaucratic thinking—I will continue to write. Upon reflection through writing, I have realized that my failed experience will offer unique insights that success cannot, making this unfulfilled journey have an entirely different meaning to me and others.

After their joyous exclamations about my decision to join the Peace Corps, most people wanted to know why I chose to join and why Mongolia. The Peace Corps also asked each of us applicants the same question: Why do you apply/accept this position in Mongolia? So, here is my thought process about serving it:

I missed a decade of classroom learning in China, but gained invaluable knowledge about the open world, which began in Inner Mongolia. The Peace Corps mission in Mongolia is meant to continue this lifelong journey of learning—and unlearning—while sharing my aptitude for languages and intercultural experiences.

My upbringing coincided with China's Cultural Revolution (1966 to 1976). During those years, most schools were closed. I was sent to a remote village in Inner Mongolia (characterized by vast grasslands and an ethnic lifestyle similar to that of Mongolia) for three years of re-education. Those years I spent facing severe physical adversity while being cared for by incredibly loving people helped shape my character and cemented a deep emotional bond between me and the land of the blue sky. This serves as an even stronger motivation for my desire to go.

Deep down, I aspire to serve in Mongolia as my final major endeavor before retiring to dedicate myself full-time to writing. My goal is not to become a different person, but to return to my former self: an idealistic, aspiring individual living in a small village in Inner Mongolia during my teenage years.

I recall being on a 10-day trip, venturing deep into Inner Mongolia to get a truckload of salt from a salt lake for sale so our ‘educated youth’ center could survive the harsh winter. I felt like a bird flying out of a cage, overlooking white yurts poetically dotting the vast, rolling grassland under the blue sky. Three of us (a truck driver, a local guide, and I) stayed in yurts a few times on our way. We did not know the owners or understand each other verbally, but we were treated like long-time friends with their best baijiu and fresh-cut, boiled lamb.

In my memory, Mongolians were incredibly humble unless threatened by nature or enemies, and amicable toward strangers. Those nights in the yurts convinced me that they were a people born with laudable virtues. Most had no formal education due to their nomadic lifestyles. I was baffled then, as I still ponder it now: How did people who lived in adversity develop loving hearts? I wanted to learn more about the people, and the Peace Corps provided a way.

Most of all, I cherish those three years in Inner Mongolia, plowing cornfields for ten hours a day for a greater cause that made me feel truly alive. I believe that experience, although initiated for the wrong reasons, was a vital phase in the alchemy of my unique personality and character. I wanted to relive it.

However, when an ideal confronts reality, it often vanishes as swiftly as a mouse sighting a cat. While I resonate deeply with the genuine mission of the Peace Corps, it does not mean we share an equal fervor for it, nor can we act jointly towards achieving this common goal. From the fumbling of my medical clearance process, it seems the opposite is true—the medical clearance process presented endless, nonsensical roadblocks for the volunteers to navigate.

Without a foundation of mutual trust and understanding, emotional support and encouragement between the Peace Corps and the applicants, my aspirations—and those of many others—will likely remain shallow at best or be suffocated by bureaucratic red tape at worst, as was the case in my experience (and many others who shared their more devastating personal stories). I will delve into details later, including similar experiences others shared with me after reading this article.

Of course, I (and others) could be the odd ones. After all, what do I know, considering the Peace Corps has been active since President Kennedy initiated it? However, when President Kennedy said, “Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country,” I don’t recall him saying, “don’t make it painless, though.”

Should we expect a government organization to respond to and care for personal enthusiasm? Or how can we reconcile these two disparate perspectives—ideal versus reality—to achieve a common goal?

However, I have not given up on my dream of becoming a Peace Corps volunteer or exploring another path. Without the passion I feel for the position in Mongolia, it is, to say the least, challenging. How have you or others you know (Peace Corps or otherwise) achieved this? How do you continue to rekindle that flame to pursue your most passionate life goals? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below.

Stay tuned for “Part 3: Medical Clearance: My Dream, Denied,” where I will discuss what has unexpectedly derailed my journey to serve for the Peace Corps in Mongolia.